Of Mice and Mayhem Part 1

I share a house with two young and lively cats (I'm not even going to pretend to own them..)

Mouse is for illustration purposes only...

Being young and lively means that in between intense bouts of laziness, they like to go out and hunt creatures much smaller than themselves. They don't have much luck with adult birds (although in the Spring I'm afraid to say we see our share of the remains of tiny baby birds ), so in the winter, its all about the mouse, and contrary to popular misconception, cats do not remove mice from your house, nope, they roam the surrounding area to bring them in.

My husband and I, being soft-hearted, usually attempt a rescue when they bring in a live one. At first this was chaotic, but after some practice, it now runs like a military operation.

The following is what will happen on a typical evening when we are relaxing watching a TV programme over a glass of wine, and we hear the cat flap slam and see one of the cats appear into view with something hanging from its mouth....

• Phase 1 – Track down and isolate target, clearing hostile bogeys from the perimeter. This means corralling the offending cat, into the kitchen and ensuring the other cat is not around to join in the melee.
  
  
• Phase 2 - Lock down the perimeter. This involves shutting the kitchen doors into the utility and living room so the cat and his small victim can't escape.
  
  
• Phase 3– Divide forces to separate hostile from victim. This usually involves me grabbing the cat from behind, and my husband working at the head end to release the mouse from his jaws and catch in his hands.

• Phase 4 – Tactical analysis of the fast developing and increasingly complex situation – employing a different strategy for each potential outcome.

Outcome A

If the mouse is dead.... Dispose of body in a humane and sensitive manner. We wrap it in kitchen roll and place in the bin.

Outcome B

If the mouse is alive... Repatriate victim to original environment, keeping hostiles under lock-down for an indefinite period. We put the mouse back at the bottom of the garden and keep the cats in all evening. There is some sulking.

And the least favourable outcome......

Outcome C

If the mouse is half-dead..... I don't think there is an official military term for what we have to do next, or at least not in this country! We are man enough to put the little creature out of its misery so we go back to Option A.

The efficiency of the operation is of course, affected by a number of other factors. These include; the size and speed of the mouse, the cat's feistyness and the amount of wine we have consumed prior to the incident....